so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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