I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
