Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
