Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
