I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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