Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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