i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
