In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
