tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
