its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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