He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
