If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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