she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
two words...techno handjob
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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