Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
