i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
