Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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