I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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