Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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