finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
