I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
