woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
