moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
