this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
