I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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