He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
