I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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