Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
