We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
