CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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