I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
