I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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