the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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