Do you still have your period?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
