I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
