Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
