New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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