Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
