i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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