You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
