I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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