i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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