she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
