don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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