his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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