I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
