I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I deserve this hangover.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
