Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
