I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
