girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
