ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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